NEW YEAR WISHES :-)))

Happy New Year to you and your family
New Year's Wishes

May you get a clean bill of health from your dentist, your cardiologist, your gastro-enterologist, your urologist, your proctologist, your podiatrist, your psychiatrist, your plumber and the I.R.S.

May your hair, your teeth, your face-lift, your abs and your stocks not fall; and may your blood pressure, your triglycerides, your cholesterol, your white blood count and your mortgage interest not rise.

May New Year's Eve find you seated around the table, together with your beloved family and cherished friends. May you find the food better, the environment quieter, the cost much cheaper, and the pleasure much more fulfilling than anything else you might ordinarily do that night.

May what you see in the mirror delight you, and what others see in you delight them. May someone love you enough to forgive your faults, be blind to your blemishes, and tell the world about your virtues.

May the telemarketers wait to make their sales calls until you finish dinner, may the commercials on TV not be louder than the program you have been watching, and may your check book and your budget balance - and include generous amounts for charity.

May you remember to say "I love you" at least once a day to your spouse, your child, your parent, your siblings; but not to your secretary, your nurse, your masseuse, your hairdresser or your tennis instructor.

And may we live in a world at peace and with the awareness of God's love in every sunset, every flower's unfolding petals, every baby's smile, every lover's kiss, and every wonderful, astonishing, miraculous beat of our heart.
:-))))

Just for kicks. :-)))

Like any mother:
I worried when my son joined the marines. But later on, when I asked him how things were going, he put my mind at ease.

"Let me put like this, Mom" he said.
"Living with you prepared me for boot camp."

*
A man is on trial for armed robbery. The jury comes back with the verdict. The foreman stands, clears his throat, and announces, "Not Guilty"

The defendant leaps to his feet. "Awesome" he shouts.

"Does that mean I get to keep the money?"

VAN GOGH'S EAR

New Theory on Van Gogh's Ear

At long last, the mystery as to why Vincent van Gogh severed his own ear may have been solved. According to a new theory by van Gogh scholar Martin Bailey, the distraught artist decided to spite his face after learning that his brother Theo was engaged. Bailey based his analysis on the presence of a letter in a painting van Gogh completed soon after the self-inflicted injury. Van Gogh depended on his younger sibling financially and emotionally and the news was more than the mentally unstable van Gogh could bear. The letter in question was sent from Theo in Paris in 1888, alerting his brother of his impending marriage. Earlier claims regarding van Gogh’s drastic Christmas 1888 mutilation blamed mental illness, lead paint fumes, and a failing friendship with Paul Gauguin. Though his psychological state was surely an issue, considering the artist shot himself two years later, Bailey’s in-depth look at van Gogh’s Still Life: Drawing Board With Onions shows it was more despair than insanity that drove him to destruction.

Read it at The London Times

The First immigrant?

Ellis Island’s First Immigrant

Annie Moore set foot on Ellis Island on her 15th birthday on January 1, 1892. It was then believed that Moore, much celebrated in song and in statues, went west to Texas. Now, relatives have found photos of a woman whom they say is Moore and they indicate that Moore never left New York. She lived in New York’s Lower East Side and died in 1924. One photo shows Moore with a baby in her lap; another is of “Ma Schayer,” Schayer being Moore’s married name.

Read it at The New York Times

DON'T GET TOO HIGH FLAUTIN PLEASE

Before we get too high flautin and titter at the indiscretions of a Michael Jackson, Tiger Woods, Amadeus Mozart, Vincent Van Gogh, Oscar Wilde (you want more?, how about Isac Newton, Beethoven, Charles Dickens)or that ugly cripple midget Toulouse Lautrec even uglier prostitutes of the Montmartre Quarter of Paris ridiculed and rebuffed but today stands tall in our minds for his pulsating sketches of the kicking Can Can girls of the Moulin Rouge, let's see what no lesser person than Somerset Maugham has to say in his end of career master piece, "The Summing Up"

"The artist is the only free man. Perhaps this is why the world on the whole has had the profound suspicion of him that we know. It is not sure that he can be trusted when he reacts to the common impulses of men so unaccountably. And indeed the artist, to the indignation of mankind, has never felt himself bound by ordinary standards. Why should he? With men in general the primary end of thought and action is to satisfy their needs and preserve their being; but the artist satisfies his needs and preserves his being by the pursuit of art: their pastime is his grim earnest and so his attitude to life can never be the same as theirs. He creates his own values. Men think him cynical because he does not attach importance to the virtues and is not revolted by the vices that move them. He is not cynical. But what they call virtue and what they call vice are not the sort of things that he takes any particular interest in. They are indifferent elements in the scheme of things out of which he constructs his own freedom. Of course common men are quite right to be indignant with him. But that isn't going to do him any good. He is incorrigible."

Seneca, the sage wisely stated: "There is no genius without a touch of madness."

I believe that while some people are endowed with the genius to dazzle the world with their stunning brilliance they are at the same time tormented by demons they never seem able to tame. A dark lining to a otherwise silver cloud.

How comical therefore it is dear friends to find ourselves, non - entities all, who belong to that prosperous breed of middle class mediocrity, we who breathe from dawn to dusk and beyond the vapid odor of quiet conformity and order, of cleanliness and respectable domesticity, given to early rising, attention to duty and detail, friendly family gatherings, pumping iron at the gym favoring brawn to brains and early to bed in the languid embrace of a John Grisham and redux tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow in comfortable monotony for the rest of our (ruled by the tick-ticking of the clock) lives and finally depart, steal away from this world unnoticed, unknown, unlamented, with hardly a recognizable head-stone to point to (Oh he's dead is he?) should condescendingly and contemptuously snicker at these men of incalculable gift who have earned for themselves by universal acclaim a hallowed place in the celestial Hall of Fame.

Remember friends, "Aquila non capitat muscas" - The eagle doesn't capture flies.
May peace be with you. "Pax vobiscum"

SOMERSET MAUGHAM

" With enough plain food to satisfy my small appetite, a room to myself, books from a public library, pens and paper, I should regret nothing."

A barrel of laughs :-)))) and a bucket-full of nuts and I'll be on my way.

Just for kicks. :-)))

The guest speaker was an hour late and the college audience was growing restless. The chairman, hoping to salvage the evening, whispered to Professor Getz, famed for his wit, to get up and say a few words.

The professor stepped to the platform and, by way of breaking the ice, remarked, " I've just been asked by the chairman to come up and say something funny."

At which point a student heckler in the back of the hall called out, " You'll tell us when to laugh, won't you?"

Professor Getz, deadpan but quick, said, "Sure, I'll tell you. The others will know."

Just for kicks. :-)))

The guest speaker was an hour late and the college audience was growing restless. The chairman, hoping to salvage the evening, whispered to Professor Getz, famed for his wit, to get up and say a few words.

The Professor stepped to the platform and, by way of breaking the ice, remarked, " I've just been asked by the chairman to come up and say something funny."

At which point a student heckler in the back of the hall called out, "You'll tell us when to laugh, won't you?"

Professor Getz, deadpan but quick, said, "Sure, I'll tell you. The others will know."

TIGER - TOP ATHLETE OF THE DECADE

Woods Named Decade's Top Athlete

He might not be much of a husband, or much of a driver, but Tiger Woods is the athlete of the decade, according to the Associated Press. The scandal-tainted golfer received 56 of the 142 votes in the AP's poll of member editors, even given that more that half of the ballots were cast after Woods' many affairs came to light. With victories at 12 majors—part of his 56 PGA Tour wins—this decade, Woods is only four behind Jack Nicklaus' record, and was the runner-up in six other majors this decade. Cyclist Lance Armstrong, tennis champion Roger Federer, swimmer Michael Phelps, quarterback Tom Brady, and sprinter Usain Bolt followed Woods in the voting.

Read it at Associated Press

WALK-IN WHITE HOUSE

Accidental Salahis Come Forward

After Tareq and Michaele Salahi's State Dinner gatecrash drew attention to deficits in White House security, a pair of tourists from Georgia has come forward explaining that they, too, crashed an Obama event—by accident. Over Veterans Day weekend, Harvey and Paula Darden mistakenly arrived at the White House a day early for a scheduled tour. There were no tours that day, so White House and Secret Security officials confirm that, after a routine security check, they were allowed to attend an East Room breakfast event at which the president was the guest of honor. "My wife looked at me and I looked at her, and I said, 'You know, I don't know if we're in the right place.'" Mr. Darden says he was told to "just go with the flow," despite being the only man in the room without a coat and tie. He adds that, though he posed for a photo with the president, he has yet to receive a copy.

Read it at The Washington Post

RAJARATNAM

. Hedge-Fund Founder Indicted

Galleon hedge-fund founder and billionaire Raj Rajaratnam and co-defendant Danielle Chiesi were indicted for conspiracy and fraud Tuesday by a federal grand jury in what prosecutors call "the largest hedge-fund insider-trading case in history." The 17-count indictment says that an alleged insider-trading ring operated "from at least in or about 2003 up to and including in or about March 2009,” during which time, prosecutors say, the defendants made millions of dollars in illegal profits. With the help of wiretaps, 14 more people were arrested in November. Rajaratnam is free on $100 million bail and must soon make a formal plea.

Read it at Agence France Presse

DO IT BEFORE YOU'RE TOO DAMN OLD

Another year has passed
And we're all a little bit older.
Last summer felt hotter
And winter seems much colder.

There was a time not long ago
when life was quite a blast.
Now I fully understand
about "living in the past".

We used to go to weddings,
football games and lunches.
Now we go to funeral homes,
and after-funeral brunches.

We used to have hangovers,
from parties that were gay.
Now we suffer body aches
and while the night away.

We used to go out dining,
and couldn't get our fill.
Now we ask for doggie bags,
come home and take a pill.

We used to travel often
to places near and far.
Now we get sore asses
from riding in the car.

We used to go to nightclubs
and drink a little booze.
Now we stay home at night
and watch the evening news.

That my friend is how life is,
and now my tale is told.

So, dear friend enjoy each day and live it up...
BEFORE YOU'RE TOO DAMN OLD.

THE FLEA - HE AND SHE BY FOLK

I got to thinkin 'bout the flea, an' how you can't figger he from she.
The boys an girls look the same to me.
But she tell, an' so can he.

Just for Kicks.:-)))))

Mrs.Mc.Dermott looked out of the window as the family was going on to dinner and wailed, " Ouch Sandy here comes company. I bet they haven't eaten yet." Sandy equal to the emergency, ordered, " Quick.. Everybody out on the porch - with a tooth pick."

Just for Kicks.:-)))))

*
Carl Sandburg was persuaded to attend the dress rehearsal of a very serious play by a very serious young dramatist, but unfortunately slept through a greater part of the performance. The outraged dramatist called him later, " How could you sleep when you knew how much I wanted your opinion?"

Sandberg reminded him, " Young man, sleep is an opinion."

*
A very dignified judge was married to an estimable creature, who unfortunately drank a bit too much. At a party one afternoon he reproved her, " My dear, that's the fifth time you've gone up to the bar and asked for another high ball. Doesn't it embarrass you?"

"Why should it?" she answered happily. "I just explain I'm getting them for you."

THE GATE CRASHERS

A Brief History of White House Crashers

White House security breaches like the Salahis’ infamous crashing of the State Dinner aren't new. In fact, the Secret Service has a lengthy history of them dating back to the Carter administration. The Washington Post has obtained a summary of a secret 2003 report, meant to be used as a training guide for the Secret Service, which catalogs these transgressions. The most notorious gatecrasher is Richard C. Weaver, who got past security to shake George W. Bush's hand at his inauguration, slipped into a prayer breakfast attended by then-president George H.W. Bush, and also somehow got access to Clinton's 1997 inaugural luncheon. In a 1982 incident, known as The Family Outing, an uninvited family of four drove up to the White House in a minivan and were let onto the grounds after a simple honk of the horn.

Read it at Washington Post

IS THE TIGER REALLY A CHEETAH?

Meet Tiger's Newest Gal Pals

It may be time to add more names to the ever-growing list of women Tiger Woods has had affairs with outside of his marriage to Elin Nordegren. Sources are saying that over the past few years, Woods kept himself busy with Cori Rist, another blonde that he met at upscale New York City bars, Mindy Lawton, a 33-year-old Florida waitress who spoke with London’s News of the World as well as Jamie Jungers, a Las Vegas model. “I love Tiger, but he got careless,” said a source. “He’s been doing this for years. He wanted to run with the big dogs.” Rist has issued a resounding “no comment” in response to the story, but Lawton was more than happy to detail her relationship with Woods: “Sometimes, I looked like a rag doll after we’d made love…. He really did like it rough,” she said. Lawton says they met in 2006 and on a scale of 10, she would give him a 12 in the bedroom, but while she wanted to be “the next Mrs. Woods,” all he cared about was a physical relationship.

Read it at New York Daily News

TIGER'S TAIL

New Tiger Mistress Hires Lawyer


Tiger Woods remains firmly in the rough as TMZ reports that a fourth woman claiming to have had an affair with the pro golfer has hired a lawyer and is preparing to tell her story to the media. The unnamed woman, a former VIP cocktail server, is retaining the services of Orlando lawyer Michael O'Quinn, and claiming that her relationship with Tiger lasted more than two years, and began in 2004, when she was 20. Woods' off-the-green antics have been the subject of intense gossip coverage since this week's revelation that the golfer had carried on at least one affair, after the news broke in the wake of Woods crashing his SUV outside his Florida home.

Read it at TMZ

OH THAT TIGER AGAIN.

Tiger Didn't Pay Uchitel

The Tiger Woods scandal grows more complicated by the second. Despite reports that Woods offered alleged mistress Rachel Uchitel $1 million to cancel her press conference Thursday, TMZ.com claims that Woods didn't pay Uchitel anything, rather "fear and secrets" are keeping the New York party girl quiet. Unnamed sources said Uchitel is "scared for her safety" because she knows specifics about other women, details about Woods’ marriage, and information about other Woods matters. The rumor mill doesn't stop there, though: TMZ says it's obtained a flight itinerary and emails between Uchitel and Tiger Woods Design president Bryon Bell that prove Bell flew Uchitel to Australia while Woods was playing the Australian Open, and paid for a room in the same hotel Woods was staying at; Radar Online says Uchitel told friends that she and Woods did drugs—specifically the sleeping pill Ambien—before having sex; and speaking of drugs, evidently, Radar claims, second (third?) alleged Woods mistress Jaimee Grubbs has been working at a medical marijuana pharmacy.

Read it at TMZ.com

Just for Kicks.:-)))))

*
I was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out counter line pushing a cart piled high with groceries.
Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly, " So which six items would you like to buy?"

"Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often?"

*
Because they had no reservtions at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45 minute delay for a table.
"Young man, we're both 90 years old", the husband said. "We may not have 45 minutes."
They were seated immediately.

*
All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter...Even the priest smiled broadly. As her father gave her away in mariiage, the bride gave him back his credit card.

TIGER, TIGER NOT BURNING BRIGHT

The Daily Beast has learned exclusively that the beleaguered golfer is negotiating an immediate $5 million payout to his wife—and revising her prenup to give her as much as $55 million more to stay with him two more years.

Traditionally it’s a divorce that makes a financial dent for a wealthy athlete like Tiger Woods. But it appears that in Tiger’s case, it’s going to cost him to stay with his wife, Elin Nordegren, the mother of their two children.

In a statement Wednesday, Tiger said, “I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart.” Words are evidently not enough to mollify Elin: The Daily Beast has learned the details of what it’s costing Tiger to keep his marriage intact. A lawyer familiar with the hastily conducted negotiations of the past 72 hours said that as of Wednesday evening Elin has been offered a $5 million payment immediately if she agrees to stay—and her prenuptial agreement is being revised to give her up to an additional $55 million.

Just for kicks. :-)))

A diner arose from his table in a fashionable restaurant and walked toward the door. He was passing the house detective at the entrance when a silver sugar bowl dropped from his bulging coat.
The guest glanced calmly at the officer, then turned with an expression of polite annoyance towards the occupants of the restaurant.
"Ruffians" he exclaimed. "Who threw that?" And he walked out.


Small daughter: "Daddy, don't drive so fast."
"Why not?"
"Because the policeman on the motorcycle can't get by."

NOT THE TIGER IN YOUR TANK

Report: Cops to Charge Tiger

Tiger Wood’s long week isn’t ending anytime soon: TMZ is reporting that the Florida Highway Patrol has filed charges against Tiger Woods in connection with his accident last Friday. The charges, TMZ says, are against Tiger—not his wife. The FHP will announce the charges at 3 p.m. The nature of the charges is unclear, though TMZ says it knows police were investigating whether Tiger was under the influence. Apparently, he had been taking prescription medicines Tiger, though it’s unclear if he was under their influence when he crashed.

Read it at TMZ

TIGER, TIGER, BURNING NOT SO BRIGHT.

Tiger’s Other ‘Other Woman’?

Tiger’s alleged “other woman” Rachel Uchitel is denying an affair, but now a new woman is proudly claiming the mantel. Jaimee Grubbs, a cocktail waitress in Las Vegas, has told Us Weekly that she had a 31-month affair with Tiger and has the voicemails and texts to prove it. Grubbs, whose story will be on the new cover of Us, says she met him in April 2007 when she was 21 and had 20 sexual encounters with Tiger. Us Weekly has photos, texts, and a voicemail from November 24 that suggests Tiger’s wife, Elin, may have been onto the affair. Grubbs recently appeared on VH1’s Tool Academy.

Read it at Us Weekly