The Jumping Jacket

Duke Sudhumatter and his wife Vanessa have taken the Metro North train from Fairfield to the Grand Central for over a decade. As was customary with the morning Metro commuters, they would occupy the same seat each day and see the same faces around them. Some in deep slumber, some with their faces buried in the morning news paper, some feverishly clicking on their computers and yet others could be seen talking in whispers. Duke and Vanessa get home each night exhausted from the excruciating demands of their work. They use their one hour twenty three minutes of train travel, free from the irritating intrusions of the telephone and television to discuss, disagree and defer on a wide sweep of topics, from the momentous to the miniscule. Depending on the mood of the moment the gossip and jocose jabber can in a flash turn into serious colloquy. Cabined and cribbed within the confines of the compartment they had to hear each other out. Where would they finally settle down; when should they retire; the son's giddy infatuation for his new girl friend; " you see Dookie" Vanessa would say " all this romance stuff is simply moon shine. When you are courting as you and I should know,there's a lot of foam and froth, a great deal of fussing and all that but is she up to it for the long haul?"; about the daughter's penchant for evangelical pursuits; " She's so dependable Vanes; she has become predictable", Dookie would sweeten the exchange; who should be invited for the next Christmas lunch; and so on they would fill the time switching back and forth from English to the vernacular with the fluency of a light fingered pianist running over the black and white keys.

Duke, of frugal construction and dapper in dress, believed that if you husbanded the pennies well they would beget pounds and had a track record to prove it. Vanessa was of "leave me out of household budgeting" state of mind. As soon as Duke Sudhumatter boarded the train he would remove his jacket, fold it neatly and place it on the overhead rack. " Why don't you keep the jacket on, Duke, like all the others? I really don't understand." was the daily refrain and the pat response was, " I don't want it crushed. I feel warm anyway." With this opening gambit out of the way Duke Sudhumatter would get cuddly and close, nestle by his wife's side and reflect for a few fleeting moments the menu for their day's discourse.

Duke Sudhumatter was constantly pursued by the haunting fear of being over weight. He would exercise each morning and then standing in front of the dressing table mirror check it out this way and that. At the most inconvenient time of day or night he would ask, " Vanes do you think I have put on weight?" and Vanessa would come up with the same reply every time. " Duke why don't you step on the bath room scale?" Duke would whimper: " You know how I dread even approaching the machine. That machine can pulverize your personality, crush your ego and blow it into your eyes in ten seconds. Every time I go for a bath it is mocking at me. " Step on me to see " The inventor of the personal weighing scale must be hooting and jeering from his grave as Madam Defarge did when witnessing the French aristocrats being trundled away in tumbrels to the guillotine. I know when I wear my jacket. Clothes Vanes, clothes. They are kinder and gentler than those torture machines."

" O.K. Duke, do as you wish" Vanes would say. Life was beautiful until one day: " Vanes, I have not worn the blazer my son gave me for Christmas for some time. I feel like wearing it." So saying aloud Duke Sudhumatter removed the blazer from the closet and standing foppishly in front of the mirror tried it on. " Oh my God Vanes, Oh my God come here immediately. Come soon" Sudhumatter bellowed. Vanessa who was toweling after a shower dropped everything and jumped out to see whether there had been an accident.
" The jacket is tight on me. Can you see? I have put on weight. Even the pants I think."
" I have told you Duke to go slow on those puddings. You will not listen to me."
" I shall have coffee only in the morning and soup alone for lunch" I shall wear this blazer every day, so I will know when I lose weight."

The couple boarded the train and Vanessa took her accustomed seat. Duke Sudhumatter went through the motion of placing the jacket on the overhead rack and joined his wife. The pressing topic for discussion today was when each of them should retire. " Before we decide where we are going to settle down, Dookie, we should decide when each one of us is going to retire." A spirited discussion ensued.
" Vanes, for well over thirty five years, if I may quote Churchill even if out of context, I have given my blood, sweat and tears to my job and employer. I am plain tired Vanes. I would like to retire next month and head for home."

" You know Dookie, you have said this so often it ceases to be a serious proposition." Duke noticed the man who always sat opposite them staring at him. " Vanessa this chap who is always seated opposite to us keeps staring at me." Vanessa looked up by which time the man had turned his gaze away. " May be he is gay" she teased. "You will resort to anything Duke to avoid a serious discussion." When they got off the train Duke noticed the man following him close, almost breathing on his neck. " He is following me." Duke Sudhumatter was agitated.

" You are paranoid Duke, we're getting late; Let's go." By this time Duke and Vanessa had come up the escalator with the man still behind. At the Grand Central entrance the stalker made his way towards Madison Avenue while Duke Sudhumatter and Vanessa went in the direction of First Avenue.

The following day the same man was seated opposite and he kept glaring at Duke. He followed Duke and Vanessa up the escalator until they parted outside the Grand Central. Vanessa too was now convinced that something was amiss since this went on for a whole week.

Meanwhile Duke Sudhumatter was frenetically working out every morning. He rigidly adhered to his regimen of coffee in the morning and soup alone for lunch. In the night he would run down the street breathing heavily to the accompaniment of barking dogs and the titillation of neighbors. Neighbors peeking through curtains would summon their kids to witness the spectacle of Duke Sudhumatter running round the block. Just as Captain Ahab in Moby Dick was demoniacally driven to capture the white whale that had crippled him, so too Duke Sudhumatter standing in front of the dressing table mirror wrestled each morning with the blazer. " I shall over come" he would hum with great deal of brio.

The following week it was decided that Duke should flash at this stranger that winsome smile that had caused many a damsel's heart to flutter and swoon, a smile that came easily to him. He should then strike up a conversation. No sooner did Duke take his seat, he looked at the man and turning on his charm full blast with Vanessa observing closely, said " Hello." He received an icy cold stare in response.
" It didn't work Vanes"
" He must be crazy " Vanessa cooed.
The couple got off the train followed by the staring passenger.
Walking towards the information booth, Duke Sudhumatter noticed two policemen giving him the once over.
" I have a feeling the police are watching me closely" said a worried Duke Sudhumatter and Vanessa agreed.
" Could it be you fit the profile of a terrorist?" Vanessa wondered.
"You see Vanes, you do not have these problems back home. You will not listen to me about chucking up all this and returning home."
" That is your answer to all our problems" Vanessa countered.
The stalking by the strange passenger and the staring by the policemen went on for three more days until one day:

Duke Sudhumatter and Vanessa were approaching the information booth at the Grand Central when Duke Sudhumatter felt some one tap his shoulder. Startled he turned round and found a policeman a foot above him. He had to look up just as a tourist would at the Empire State building. Sudhumatter had the expression of Hamlet on seeing his daddy's ghost.
" Now the gendarmes are after me" he whispered to his wife. Vanessa was visibly disturbed.
" Sir " the cop began, " Would you mind stepping into my office?"
" What's it for ?" Sudhumatter demanded.
" Yes we would like to know " Vanessa joined in.

" It's very simple. I'll explain it to you when you come into my office." The three of them trotted into the office. The police officer sitting on the edge of his desk feigning informality began.

" I'm inspector Dim Dumbbell and you are?"
" My name is Duke Sudhumatter and this is my wife Vanessa." The officer shook hands with both of them. " Glad to make your acquaintance"
" Could we know why we are here? " Vanessa inquired impatiently.
" Presently, Madam, presently: You see we have received a complaint Mr.Soosmatch."
" It is Sudhumatter " Duke corrected a little annoyed.

"That's right." continued the officer. "It has been brought to our notice Sir that you are wearing a jacket that does not belong to you. You seem to be both very respectable people. We can settle this amicably without going through a lot of paper work. If you know what I mean. The gentleman standing outside my office has complained that the blazer you are wearing belongs to him." So saying Inspector Dumbbell stepped out and summoned the man in. It was the staring commuter who customarily sat opposite Sudhumatter.
"So you maintain this blazer belongs to you?" The officer addressed the question to the newcomer. " Have you any proof?"

The strange passenger who was about the height of Duke with slightly narrower shoulders began speaking. He had a nasal voice. Duke and Vanessa heard him speak for the first time.

" My name is Smelly Wrongshoe. I live in Bridgeport and my office is in Madison Avenue. Officer, I am not accusing this gentleman of stealing. I am certain it's a genuine mistake. Inadvertently he may have taken my jacket. Now if you will observe officer the blazer is ill fitting on him. ( Duke thought: "I always felt uncomfortable in this"). I have my business card tucked away in the inner breast pocket. It may be still there."

At the officer's request Duke Sudhumatter removed the blazer and handed it over to him. The officer ran his fingers through the pockets and pulled out a business card. It read: Smelley Wrongshoe, Environmentalist. it had a Madison Avenue office address and Washington Avenue, Bridgeport home address.

" Let me see you wear this." The officer then passed the jacket over to Smelley. Smelley slipped it on and it slid over his frame effortlessly as would his foot into an old shoe.

" You see Mr.Shoematter" the officer began and Duke corrected " Sudhumatter"
" That's right" (now with a broad smile) if the jacket does not fit I cannot acquit. What do you wish to do Mr. Shoemaker?" " Mr. Sudhumatter if you don't mind."

" That's right. What do you wish to do Sir?"
Duke Sudhumatter now looked at Vanessa and replied with visible relief: " If it does not fit I quit. He can keep it. Well, all I can say is it very closely resembles the one I had." Then turning around to Smelley he asked: " Why could you not have approached me and verified without this circus?"
" I have been trying to do so for a long time. I tried to catch you alone so as not to embarrass your wife but the two of you are inseparable. Are you newly married? You both are like Romeo and Cleopatra."

Vanessa had by now reached the bitter extremity of her patience. With effort she suppressed the volcanic fury that was rising within her. She straightened herself to her full height. She looked into the eyes of Wrongshoe. She transfixed him with her laser like glare. Vanessa's tone now turned combative. She shot back with the self assurance of a savant with particular emphasis on the name: " SMELLIE". She enunciated:

" You mean Romeo and Juliet and Anthony and Cleopatra?"

For an ominous thirty seconds no one spoke. The reader would be eager to know how each one would have appeared to a passer-by.

Inspector Dim Dumbbell had the air of one who had cracked open like a coconut a baffling case. Smelley Wrongshoe turned his gaze away from the rest in embarrassment holding tightly to the jacket like a little lad who had got back his toy. Vanessa was getting late for an important meeting she was presiding over that morning. The contours of her face contorted, she was like an Olympic one hundred meter sprinter restless at the starting block, ready to go at the crack of the pistol.

What was happening to the protagonist, Duke Sudhumatter? A beatific smile descended upon him and in slow motion the smile leisurely crawled across his face as would a toddler across the floor. A feeling of unfettered joy filled his heart, his soul and every bone in his body. He was glowing like an incandescent tube light in a dark room. He was jubilant. Calmness settled over Duke Sudhumatter. And he was now breathing easily. Dookie turned round to his Cleopatra, to his Juliet, to his Vanes and trilled like a bird in spring time: " Darling, this means I have not put on weight."

Inspector Dim Dumbbell broke the conversational log jam.
" Well gentlemen he pompously announced: " Shall we wrap this up with a hand shake?"
Duke and Smelley shook hands, exchanged business cards and departed. While leaving Duke heard Smelley whisper to officer Dumbbell, "See you at Aunty Matilda's tonight."

The day was nippy and Duke Sudhumatter was sans his blazer. During the lunch hour he walked up to Macy's and bought a smart jacket which was on sale.

A week went by. One Saturday morning Sudhumatter was walking towards the garage. He was going to take Vanessa to the Kennedy air port when he saw the mail man bring a parcel. He opened it and to his consternation saw an old blazer, one like his. He tried it on. It went round him snug like Caesar's toga. Then it struck him. " Let me try the pockets." Inside the inner breast pocket there was a business card. It read: Smelley Wrongshoe, Environmentalist. "

" Jumping Jacket Vanessa, come and see this" he yelled. out.

A short story by K.B. Chandra Raj