Thursday, April 13, 2006

ON " HONOR THY FATHER AND THY MOTHER" A contrarian view.

" A wonderful physical tie binds the parents to the children. And by some strange irony it does not bind us children to our parents. For if it did, if we could answer their love not with gratitude but with equal love, life would lose much of its pathos and much of its squalor and we might be wonderfully happy."

E.M. Forster.

" Not that I remember it but so have I heard from the parents of my flesh, the father from whom, and the mother in whom you fashioned me in time."

Augustine in his " Confessions".



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We are informed that Moses was given the TEN COMMANDMENTS
(also known as Decalogue)carved in stone by the finger of God himself.

As far as we know there were no foot notes as to how the commandments should be interpreted. And so street preachers and erudite academics began spinning it variously.

The Fifth Commandment, "Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother" raises the question: Why?.

Why should a child who did not ask to be brought into this world now be commanded to honor his parents?
We have a choice in choosing our partner in and for life. Even in cultures where one does not have the freedom to choose his partner he, very often she, by and large has the right of refusal.

We have a choice in deciding what the color of our living room is going to be. We have a choice of the make of the car we would like to own. We have a choice of the flavor of ice cream we wish to indulge in. Children and parents do not have a choice in picking each other.

Go back in time. During the days of apostle Paul when a child was born it was placed at the father's feet. If he bothered to pick it up the child lived. If he walked away the child was taken away to become a slave or a prostitute.

Duty between parents and children flow one way and one way alone - from parents to children. The parents who alone are responsible must take responsibility for their children. They owe it to the children and to society to nurse and nurture them to become responsible citizens. Else, they would be guilty of crime against their off-springs and society.

Perhaps the Commandment should be replaced with, " FATHER AND MOTHER HONOR THY CHILDREN, FOR THEY ARE THINE OWN CREATION."

Parents who have done their duty by their children in training them to become useful citizens have done no more than what is morally expected of them. They should not treat the resources they have expended on their children as investments and expect a return. How hollow it is to hear King Lear wail," How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child." Thankful for what?. Even in the animal world the young ones are protected and fed until they can stand on their " own two feet."
And what is more " parents" do not call in their chips, ever.

Why then do parents go to extra ordinary lengths to see their children excel?. History is suffuse with examples. Suffice it is to cite two.


Sanjay L. Shah remained in the Jomo Kenyatta airport in Nairobi, Kenya for nearly 13 months until he was granted British citizenship he was entitled to. He wanted his son in his teens to receive a British university education. He was a manual worker.

The father of tennis star of international fame Stefan Edberg mortgaged his only house to send his son to be coached in the United Kingdom.

Why do they do this ?

The mother: The umbilical chord of attachment between mother and child is never breached. That puts the lid on further discussion.

The father: Wants to see his children move the ball further down the field. Like a body builder pumping iron heaving under the weight adds another ten pounds to his heavy weight. Like a relay runner pumped out at the end of his lap hands over the baton to the new runner - his child - who is restlessly waiting, in fact beginning his run looking ahead with hand stretched back to get hold of the baton and make a dash for it. And the father looking on hoping the race will be won.

Children are an extension of one's self and seeing them succeed gives parents a vicarious thrill. A fulfillment. Aha self preservation. Self aggrandizement. Search for immortality.

" By their fruits ye shall know them" Bible. Mathew 7.20

A father admonishes his teen age son, " You act as if though you are smarter than me?"

" Of course I am " answers the son.

" How come ?" the father asks with mild irritation.

"Because" replies the son bemused, " Your father was a small time farmer but mine is a justice of the Supreme Court."

".. and the fruits will out do what the flowers have promised"

K.B.Chandra Raj




2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

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5:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As a Tamilian I was taught when I was wee high, that your father and mother are your God(s) that you see with your own eyes - on this earth.
" Annaiyum Pithavum munnari theivam" - meaning your "tangible", visible God(s) on this earth are your mother and father. What a beautiful concept! Am I proud of my heritage or what!
What do you mean honor thy father & mother? It is sine qua non my dear!

7:59 PM  

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